IFS: How Managers Cope With Anxiety
Internal family systems (IFS) therapy takes an unusual but much-needed approach to handling anxiety. The basic concept of IFS is to view ourselves as consisting of a true Self surrounded by sub-personalities ostensibly designed to protect the Self. These are called firefighters, exiles, and managers. They mean well but don’t always do well.
In other words, when high anxiety is present, some managers pull out all the stops to control it. This can translate into some dysfunctional choices that end up making things worse in the long run. The managers’ well-intentioned actions end up usurping the Self’s dominance and thus creating internal imbalances.
The Other Parts of IFS Therapy
We’ll dig deeper into the aforementioned managers soon, but first, here are the other parts defined by IFS:
Self: This is you. It’s your foundation and should be in control. Unfortunately, our internal family doesn’t always operate as planned.
Exiles: These sub-personalities were created by past experiences — especially negative events. Exiles, in the name of “helping,” will suppress memories instead of allowing the Self to process and resolve them.
Firefighters: Living solely in the present, firefighters are parts that can handle an urgent rescue but can have detrimental impacts when it comes to removing the past or preparing for the future.
How Managers Cope (or Try to Cope)
Managers are well aware of the painful memories the exiles are hiding. Therefore, managers work overtime to prevent anything like that from happening in the future. Or at least they think they do. Sure, there are times when a manager averts a crisis. But, more often than not, a manager who is not working in conjunction with your deeper Self will go overboard.
Everything appears to be a risk, threat, or danger. Such a perspective creates a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance and paves the way for anxiety disorders to emerge. Hence, instead of protecting the Self, a rogue manager complicates everything in a detrimental way. For example:
Perfectionism
Social isolation
Rumination
Codependency
How a Healthy Manager Can Help
When you work with an IFS therapist to reorient the actions of your managers as subservient to the Self’s needs, managers can become powerful family members. Here is just a little of what healthy managers can do regularly:
Creating Structure: Here is how they earn the title of “manager.” When working efficiently, these sub-personalities create stability by setting up healthy routines and rituals.
Dealing With Emotional Pain: Managers can help you identify triggers and thus cultivate productive ways to live with less fear.
Achieving Goals: When you’re not fixated on what bad thing can happen to you and your life has structure, you are more ideally positioned to set and achieve goals.
Managing Relationships: Secure people are more comfortable being open and vulnerable. This is a giant step toward healthy personal interactions.
Reducing Anxiety: Yes, we’ve circled back to where we started. Functional IFS managers take orders from the Self and also help keep firefighters and exiles in line. The positive order Self-guided managers create keeps anxious spirals in check.
What Does All of This Mean For You?
The underlying structure of IFS therapy can seem abstract to some folks. However, it works in the way that any kind of cooperative teamwork works. To get the most from this approach, the ideal start is to connect with a therapist familiar with IFS concepts. Once you grasp the steps involved in this healing process, you can commence a journey of healing that is both fascinating and sustainable.
I’d love to tell you more about IFS therapy and how it can help you with issues like anxiety. Let’s connect for a free and confidential consultation for anxiety counseling soon.