Why Happy Occasions Can Make Us Sad
The concept of “tears of joy” is, by definition, paradoxical. Are we happy or sad? Are we crying despite the happiness we feel or because of it? What else is going on? Of course, each person’s emotions are complex and unique — but commonalities exist. Everyone understands the experience of crying at a celebration. But how many of us can explain what might be going on?
Grasping the underlying causes of our emotions is a huge step towards managing such emotions. Thus, it’s a worthy effort to analyze “tears of joy” and their origins. With that in mind, let’s examine some of the many reasons why happy occasions make us sad.
Why Happy Occasions Can Make Us Sad
Before we get to a list of sorts, let’s acknowledge some of the factors involved when contemplating this trend:
Unresolved issues, conflicts, or trauma
Aging and the passage of time
Expectations vs. reality
Missing someone and wishing they were present
Recalling the journey that brought us to such a moment
Regret
Nostalgia
Recognizing that life is not always this beautiful and meaningful
Life’s celebratory moments are teeming with contradictory feelings and perceptions.
Some of the Ways Happiness Can Intersect With Sadness
The Relationship of Opposites
Our brains often categorize things in an oppositional way. It helps us sort memories but can feel incongruent in some situations. Thus, when feeling happy, we may almost reflexively recall sad moments — and vice-versa.
Life is Imperfect/Life Includes Grief
No matter how wonderful a moment is, we can surely come up with ways to make it better. A tear-inducing example might involve feeling the absence of someone in a time of joy. The act of missing someone during a celebration is one of life’s trickiest balancing acts.
Physical and Emotional Exhaustion
Big trips, major parties, etc., usually involve a lot of work and planning. When they happen, we may be too tired to fully appreciate it and end up being vulnerable to feeling grief over issues that aren’t as important as the accomplishment itself.
Conflict
Of course, big happy moments can lead you to interact with people with whom you have an uncomfortable past. For example, being seated at a wedding table with relatives you dislike can make you feel frustrated and more likely to experience some strongly mixed emotions.
Bad Memories
We’re cheering at someone’s wedding, graduation, or housewarming party. Meanwhile, our minds drift to how some of these areas in our own lives have not gone as we hoped for. Perhaps they haven’t yet happened, and we wonder if they ever will.
Unrealistic Expectations
As we near an exciting event, we can visualize how it will play out. This can mean a single event (e.g., a wedding) or a long-term experience (the marriage). We can become sad or bitter if we perceive life as letting us down.
Time and Change
As the years pass, we recognize that nothing stays the same. Therefore, we can feel nostalgic for a moment even as we experience it. We end up crying and not really understanding why. This calls into question the concept of “tears of joy.” In reality, perhaps, we’re crying tears of sorrow because we accept that life can’t always be this good.
Do You Need to Talk?
In some settings, the above topics can make for a fascinating philosophical conversation. That said, we’re talking about real life and real emotions. It’s an important part of life for each of us to revel in positive moments. So, if you find yourself often wallowing in despair when everyone else is cheering, you might want to explore that tendency. To dig deeper into the concepts of happiness and sadness, I invite you to reach out and talk about depression therapy soon.