Dating in the Modern World: How to Get Out of Your Head and Enjoy the Ride

There are countless reasons to feel anxious about dating — especially in the digital age. But there are far more reasons to enjoy the ride. Unfortunately, many of us are stuck in a cycle of rumination and overthinking — especially in the digital age. What did she mean by that? Why hasn’t he texted? Am I too pushy or too distant? Why do I even bother?

Social media and smartphones have altered the landscape of romance. Thanks to their posts, check-ins, and comments, we can watch someone’s every move. In the blink of an eye, we can send a text or voice clip that has us wondering if we said too much or too little. Meanwhile, we’re missing out on all the magical mystery and flirty adventures that can make dating so much fun.

How Does Someone Get Stuck in Their Head When It Comes to Dating?

happy couple eating ice cream

You meet someone, and the connection feels good. However, anxiety, self-doubt, and past experiences make it hard to trust yourself and others. You want so badly to know if it’s a good fit, but just as badly, you want to avoid heartache and regret. Voila! You’re stuck in your head and silencing your heart.

There’s so much to know about each other, but get impatient and fill in the blanks with assumptions and fears. This is unfair to the other person, and it’s counterproductive to yourself. To fall in love with someone requires you to let down your guard enough to take risks. You need to allow yourself to learn as you go and allow some surprises to happen. No matter what happened in past relationships or what you fear could happen now, until you get vulnerable, you’re sabotaging any chance of finding out.

Common Signs of Overthinking in Your Dating Life

  • Chronic worry

  • Always wondering, “What if?”

  • Analyzing everything you say to each other

  • Looking for hidden meanings

  • Asking everyone you know for their opinion

  • Regretting what you said or “should” have said

  • Being distracted from daily functions by your obsession with this new person

  • Having trouble meeting people and/or sustaining a new relationship

So, what can you do?

How to Get Out of Your Head and Enjoy the Ride

Stay Present

Some of your dating discomforts can arise when you decide to do some time traveling. You look to the past to remind yourself of relationships that caused pain. Simultaneously, you’re gazing into the future, apprehensive about all that can go wrong. Meanwhile, in the present moment, the possibilities exist. That new person may ghost you or let you down. Then again, it takes just as much energy to feel dread as it does to feel. Root yourself in the here and now and give the potential your full attention.

Stop Playing Mind Reader or Detective

There doesn’t have to be a hidden agenda. Some folks are just not compatible with you. They might be emotionally immature or have very different attachment styles. So, their behaviors aren’t something you need to decipher or translate from another language. Rather, why not just ask them whenever you feel confused by an action or word choice of theirs? As the next suggestion urges: Keep it simple.

Keep It Simple

It’s awesome to have a trusted support system. But, at some point, you have to make your own decisions. You don’t need to consult everyone in your life. Trust your gut and live your life. Tend to your hobbies, obligations, interests, and goals. It’ll help reduce the odds of fixation if you create some space for things to start playing out.

If you feel you can’t get out of your own head, no matter how hard you try, I’m here to help. Reach out to learn more about relationship counseling and how the counselors at our Bozeman practices can help you.

About Kathryn Bowen MS, LCPC: Kathryn (Kittie) Bowen MS, LCPC, is a licensed therapist and founder and director of Bozeman Counseling Center. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck so that they can start thriving in all important areas of life. Counseling and Coaching is a second career for her. She started out in the corporate world, worked crazy hours, and had zero work-life balance. Eighteen years ago she made the decision to leave her executive position and pursue her love of human potential and personal development. After attending graduate school in Mental Health Counseling, at Montana State University, she established a private practice providing therapy to individuals and couples.
Kathryn Bowen

Kathryn (Kittie) Bowen, MS, LCPC, is the the founder and director of Bozeman Counseling Center. She is passionate about helping people get unstuck so that they can start thriving in all important areas of life. Eighteen years ago Kittie made the decision to leave her executive position and pursue her love of human potential and personal development. After attending graduate school in Mental Health Counseling, she established a private practice providing therapy to individuals and couples.

Education:
  • Undergraduate - BS in Business, Accounting, Western Washington University

  • Graduate - MS in Mental Health Counseling, Monana State University

License:
  • Montana BBH-LCPC-LIC-1579

https://www.bozemancounselingcenter.com/kathryn-bowen
Previous
Previous

How Does Fear of Failure Contribute to Social Anxiety?

Next
Next

How to Meet Someone Without Online Dating