How to Help Your Introverted Child Thrive
Since children typically lack the language and cognitive skills to discuss nuance, an introverted child can be very misunderstood. Is it shyness? Are they at risk for social anxiety disorder? Such possibilities should be considered, but most often, a reserved child is an introverted child. They know what they like and need — and thus march to the beat of their own drummer.
However, when viewed in contrast with extroverted kids, the introvert might appear unhappy, uncomfortable, or even unhealthy. With this in mind, we must learn more about introversion and how to help our children thrive.
Introversion at Different Ages
Generally speaking, kids learn cooperative skills in preschool (ages 3 to 5). Introverts, however, may not vibe with too much sharing of emotions or being the initiator. But take notice because your kid might be thriving when it comes to problem-solving, taking turns, listening, etc.
Things get more complicated as your child reaches grade school (ages 5 to 11). Friendships are taken more seriously, and unspoken social rules can feel unfair. An introverted child can feel overwhelmed by expectations and be unfairly judged as anti-social or “slow.”
Other Introversion Traits to Look For
Listening more than talking when in a group
Feeling anxiety around new people or places
Strong attachment to their parents or older siblings
Having just one or two very close friends
Finding comfort in solitude
None of the above is “wrong,” but in an increasingly exhibitionist culture, it can be judged negatively. Introverted kids can be judged harshly, excluded, and bullied. How, then, can parents be supportive without trying to change their child’s inherent nature?
How to Help Your Introverted Child Thrive
For starters, it can be immensely helpful to talk with your child — in an age-appropriate manner — about introverts and extroverts. Teach them about our inevitable differences and encourage them to talk with you about their feelings, needs, wants, and preferences. From there, you are better positioned to make some adjustments and adaptations that can help them be more comfortable and confident with who they are.
Some other options and suggestions:
Respect their needs: Once you feel confident that the catalyst for their preferences is not an anxiety disorder, it’s best to honor your child’s needs. There’s nothing wrong about liking solitude or sometimes opting to skip a social event. Don’t jam up their calendar and let them choose their own friends.
Don’t compare: If your other child is an extrovert, make sure it doesn’t turn into a contest for your approval. Be grateful that your kids are so unique!
Be a role model: Honor your own social needs in a way that shows your child that setting boundaries is not weird or different. Also, if they’re struggling with some social skills, gently model these skills to them as often as possible.
Be prepared: Help your child be prepared before any kind of social event. Talk to them about the specifics in areas like meeting new people, expectations, and arranging signals so you can be available to offer them a respite when needed.
Collaborate: Connect with the other people in your child’s life. For example, talk with teachers and coaches to help kids of all types feel safe at school and other venues.
Stay Diligent and Observant
As mentioned above, introversion can appear similar to conditions and disorders that require intervention. So, commit to maintaining awareness of your child’s needs — at home and elsewhere. If you’re feeling unsure of what’s going on, you have the option to connect with a mental health professional. Since no parent can figure everything out on their own, why not set up a free consultation for parent coaching today?