How to Reconcile Different Parenting Styles During Conflict
Published on September 2, 2024
Let’s introduce two inevitabilities. First, you and your partner will have some conflicts. It’s normal and, with practice and commitment, can be managed and navigated. Another inevitability involves your kids. If you choose to become a parent, you will approach this responsibility from two unique perspectives. In many cases, different parenting styles will be minor and bring with them the added benefit of preparing your children for adult life.
But what happens when the above two inevitabilities coincide? What if having a different approach to parenting is the source of conflict? This is where both your parental instincts and your conflict resolution skills will be put to the test.
A Few Signs That Your Different Parenting Styles Are Fomenting Family Conflict
Some behaviors, symptoms, and red flags to watch for:
General Anxiety: When the house rules keep shifting, everyone gets stressed.
Sibling Conflict: The kids, confused by mixed messages, can take it out on each other.
Marital Strife: Each spouse may feel strongly about their views on parenting. When personal views are challenged, friction increases.
How to Reconcile Different Parenting Styles During Conflict
Respect
It will help all aspects of your relationship if you can disagree without disrespect. This will strengthen your bond. Also, it presents a united front that will reduce the odds of your kids playing one parent against the other.
Communication
Stay open and curious as to how and why you’re in conflict. By keeping the lines of communication open, both of you can learn more about the evolving process of parenting. Commit to regular, direct communication.
Awareness
No one has this figured out. Thus, it can be enlightening to identify your strengths and weaknesses. This not only empowers you to set goals but also sets up a scenario in which you complement each other for the good of your kids.
Consistency
Research shows that children struggle with inconsistent parenting. Even when they don’t like the rules, they prefer structure. Therefore, while you and your partner do the hard work on finding common ground, maintain a predictable climate that your kids can rely on.
Compromise
Like all aspects of your relationship, this is a give-and-take situation. You will not get to have everything your way — and that’s a good thing. In addition, you are a powerful role model when you demonstrate how to resolve differences and make sacrifices.
Learn the 4 Parenting Styles
To keep it simple, you’ll want to avoid three of them. These are:
Authoritarian: Your children do not need drill sergeants or strict taskmasters. Being ruled by fear of punishment has been shown to increase a child’s incidence of mental health issues.
Uninvolved: As the name implies, some parents are not big on supervision. Sure, being a helicopter parent is less than ideal, too. But there’s plenty of healthy space between these two extremes.
Permissive: Insecure parents want their kids to like them. They’d rather be a friend than a parent. Such an approach lays the groundwork for later dysfunction.
The fourth parenting style is called “authoritative.” It involves walking the fine line between strictness and fairness. You can set boundaries and still nurture children. This is most often accomplished by keeping the focus on positivity, security, and clarity. Even when you’re enforcing a rule, you can be fair.
Does This Sound Impossible to You?
If so, you’re not alone. Different parenting styles are common and are often best approached by recruiting an unbiased, experienced counselor. Parent coaching is a proven method for creating a household that nurtures feelings of safety, respect, reliability, and care. If it feels like you’re trying to navigate a minefield, it’s time to ask for help.