5 Signs You Need to Enforce Boundaries
Whether you’re talking about romantic partners, friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, or more, healthy boundaries should be non-negotiable. This is not about remaining distant, aloof, or anti-social. Rather, boundaries are a necessary reminder of where one person ends and another begins. They don’t separate people. On the contrary, boundaries can deepen your bond with others and reduce the odds of having conflict.
Setting, respecting, and enforcing boundaries is how we express our limits and exercise our free will. Boundaries can enhance respect and trust. They also guide us to embrace personal responsibility and balance. But how do we know when that balance is lacking?
5 Signs You Need to Enforce Boundaries
1. You Can’t Say No, and It’s Wearing You Out
You want the people in your life to be happy and to like you. Therefore, saying “no” to their spoken and unspoken requests seems to run contrary to these goals. You worry they’ll reject you for being selfish, so you go overboard. This drains you physically and mentally while doing nothing to create healthy relationships.
2. Tolerating Bad Treatment in the Hope of Gaining Approval
You may perceive boundaries as confrontational. This runs counter to your desire for external approval. So, little by little, you slip into patterns that see you being disrespected in the hope that your choices will garner the attention you crave. Social media might be where such habits become more obvious.
3. Always Prioritizing Others Over Yourself
Less obvious are the relationships and friendships in which you’re more of the giver. People value your reliability and compassion. This assessment boosts your ego, so you ramp things up. The next thing you know, your needs are neglected, and you need boundaries more than ever.
4. Never Advocating For Yourself
If you’ve never set healthy boundaries, it could be because you’re uncomfortable expressing your needs. It’s not that you’re unaware of what you want, but you feel too passive or anxious to speak up.
5. Chronic Resentment
If you re-read the above four signs, you’ll see that it inevitably adds up to frustration and resentment. A lack of boundaries creates fertile ground for passive-aggressive behaviors and general dissatisfaction with your life.
How to Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries
Ideally, you will reach out for professional help to make this happen. However, for starters, here are some self-help steps to consider:
Improve Your Communication Skills: Healthy communication is the antidote for the patterns mentioned above. They empower you to nip dysfunction in the bud in such a way as not to foment conflict and anger. Anyone who cares about you will be open to honest discussions on how to improve your connection.
Self-Awareness: When aiming to set boundaries, half the work is finding the best time and place for such a sensitive conversation. Read the room and put the odds in your favor.
Do Not Compete: In a mature relationship, competition should be a non-entity. You want to get along, and you want both of you to thrive. Work to operate from a place that doesn’t turn a friendship into a contest.
Can You Hire a Boundary Coach?
Absolutely! Trouble with boundaries generally signals that some underlying problems are present. To drill down and begin understanding the root causes, it makes sense to work with a mental health professional. In the privacy of a therapy room, you can find the calm state of mind needed to develop discernment and find new approaches.
In today’s digital world, there is more miscommunication than ever. When you commit to doing the inner work you need, you put the odds back in your favor as you seek to enjoy healthy, evolving relationships with others. Contact our office today to learn more about relationship counseling and begin this journey.