How to Deal with Family Drama Around the Holidays

For many of us, spending time with family during the holidays is something straight out of a Hallmark movie with days filled with comfort and joy. But for others, the holidays with family are scarier than a Halloween horror movie. From the stress of traveling to the pressure of buying and wrapping gifts, and the fact many family members can’t be in the same room with each other without a fight erupting, holidays can be stressful!

While you can’t necessarily stop family drama from occurring, there are some simple and effective ways you can deal with it:

Have Realistic Expectations

So much of the pain of the holidays comes from having unrealistic expectations. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Acknowledge beforehand that you and your family are human and that there may be those moments that aren’t very pleasant and that’s okay. Life and families are messy. Recognize it, own it and you’ll find you won’t get as upset.

A tip we give our clients at Bozeman Counseling Center is to "notice and name", which is to notice what feelings are coming up for you and name them either out-loud or in your own mind. This tools helps the brain to regulate the feelings that are coming up without getting as overwhelmed by them.

Set Your Boundaries

Time spent with families over the holidays can also trigger us to feel like children all over again, essentially helpless. But you are an adult now and you are not helpless. You can set those boundaries to protect your mental health. Determine before you go what you will tolerate and what you won’t. This can be for simple things like meal times and sleeping accommodations to what topics of discussion you will engage in. Be sure to share your personal limits with all involved.

Sometimes boundaries regarding family, can be what we call "internal boundaries". An internal boundary is one that doesn't even necessarily need to be communicated with a family member. It is a way that we can protect ourselves internally by using empowering self-talk, self soothing words, and reminding ourselves that another person can't touch our internal sense of well-being.

Use Good Judgement

When the holiday drama sets in, it’s easy to want to drink more or eat more processed foods. But in large amounts, alcohol and processed sugars impair our mood and judgement. Do your best to not overindulge. And most importantly, practice self-compassion if you do find yourself overdoing it. Family dynamics can be difficulty so sometimes we cope the best we can.

You may also want to speak with a therapist in the weeks leading up to the holidays. He or she can give you tools to help you navigate the awkward and tense moments during family get-togethers.

If you’re interested in exploring counseling, please reach out to us at Bozeman Counseling Center. We would love to help your holidays be warm and merry (or at least tolerable!).

Sending you good vibes this holiday season - Warmly, Kittie

SOURCES:

https://www.hioscar.com/blog/10-healthy-ways-to-deal-with-holiday-family-drama

https://brainmd.com/blog/how-to-avoid-family-drama-during-the-holidays/

https://www.care.com/c/toxic-family-during-the-holidays/